We couldn't even wait to grow up.

I remember in primary school, seeing high school kids and wishing I was older.

Wishing I'd grow up faster.

I had no idea.

I wish we never had to grow up.

We could stay little forever.

Never have any regrets, and the most difficult decision on our mind was whether to paint or play in the sandpit.

When we fought with our friends over Barbies and toy cars,

When we didn't understand.

When I was little, and I made a wish, I'd wish to be older.

Now I just wish for simplicity.

The only reason I wouldn't wish to be little again, is because I know I'd just have to do it all again eventually.

Christmas.

Tomorrow is Christmas,
All I want is you.

You to be here with me..

We could laugh about stupid stuff,

Watch movies,

And fall asleep together.

Just to be together.

I hate December,

It's the worst month for me.

This year, I can't even bring myself to get excited one bit.

I hate it.

Maybe tomorrow will be different,

Merry Christmas Everyone.

Xoxo.

In the end, it doesn't even matter.

After New Years,

I intend to live my life to the fullest. I intend to be myself and not care what anyone else thinks.

I intend on not caring as much about little things. About everyone.

I'm concentrating on the things that matter.

And the people that have always been there.

After New Years,

I intend on changing and being a better person. I intend on getting better grades.

Because yeah, friends and socializing matters, of course.

But I'm not even taking notice of the bitchiness anymore, it's not worth my time.

In the end, it doesn't even matter.

When I was a little kid, I remember being afraid of getting old because I was scared of dying.

Now that I'm older, I understand that you don't have to be old to die.

Good people die young.

I don't know when I'll die so there is no use worrying about things that don't even matter.

Choose B.

I know adults might say, "Oh you're just a teenager, wait till you get out in the real world.. Blah blah."

Yes mother, the read world may be difficult. But I'm sure that 20 years ago when you were at school, there was not anywhere near as many bitches. Or, there was the same amount, only now their bitchiness has been fueled by the internet, and other evil weapons.

It's hard. Always.

But answer me this,

Would you rather..

A) Go through your teenage years upset, holding grudges, hating people, bitching about people, crying over your broken heart and your lost friendships.

B) Go through your teenage years with a smile on your face, being honest, being yourself, holding your head up high, telling bitchy sluts to fuck off and get a life, and concentrate on your friendships that actually matter.

Choose one.

Choose B.

The Past Week..

The past week has just been amazing,

I haven't been able to stop smiling.

In the past week I've met alot of new people..

I've realized that so much can change in a week.

My boyfriend, Bam McFarlane has managed to keep a smile on my face.

I've literally stopped caring about the little things.

Cause in the past week, so much has happened that I just don't care.

He makes me happy.

So I don't care what anyone else thinks.

My bestfriend, Tara Roberts has been there for everything.

I spent pretty much the past week with her just living at her house.

Haha, I missed her after not seeing her for a whole week.

Bring on 2011, I'm ready.

I've got my bestfriend, and an amazing guy.

+ I'm looking forward to Good Charlotte in April 2011 with Jake, Brooke, Tara and others.

One last thing,

Brooke - Thank-you. In the past week you helped with alot. That talk we had, and everything else. I appreciate it, really. xo.

all we needed.

sitting in my own world,

i was screaming for advice.
living in this dark place,
all i needed was your time.

looking at the pictures of how we used to be,

wondering if it'd ever get back to just you and me..

cause then you turned, you walked away,

it's funny how you dream..

then someone comes and turns it all to grey,

i think,

all that we needed was a little headstart,
a little jump forward just to reach the mark,
running after you was all i did,
cause it was all we needed.

sitting on the front porch, living out this lie,

thinking good could come from it if you came by,

maybe it's just to late but i think..

that it was all we needed.

then thinking i could never be the same,

the stars come out and it slowly begins to rain,

maybe you should try to find what we're missing out on here,

because without you, i'm just living in fear.

all that we needed was a little headstart,

a little jump forward just to reach the mark,

running after you was all i did,

cause it was all we needed.

sitting on the front porch, living out this lie,

thinking good could come from it if you came by,

maybe it's just to late but i think..

that it was all we needed.

how does it feel?

how do you try?

to carry on with every lie..

how do you sleep?

how don't you cry?

when you didn't even say good-bye.

but now it's all impossible, i'm standing at your door,

wishing you would comprehend that what i needed is much more,

all that we needed was a little headstart,

a little jump forward just to reach the mark,

running after you was all i did..

yeah yeah,

all that we needed was a little headstart,

a little jump forward just to reach that mark,

running after you was all i did,

sitting on the front porch, living out this lie,

thinking good could come from it if you came by,

maybe it's just to late but i think..

that it was all we needed.

cause it was all we needed.

oh, yeah.. it was all we needed.

a life without pain is a life without hope.

if i could make a time machine, i'd go back to that day where it all went wrong.

i'd change alot, and things would be different.

instead of dreaming that i could go back and change things,

i could actually do it.

i'd have no regrets, nothing bad would've happened.

it'd all be perfect.

but then what would happen if everything was perfect?

if no-one died? the world would be over-populated and chaotic.

if we didn't have mistakes? well we would never learn from them.

maybe we're already living in a perfect world,

yes, we lose people we love.

yes, we make mistakes,

yes, there are tears and broken hearts,

but if there weren't, the world wouldn't carry on.

we would be too innocent because we would have lived a perfect life.

maybe everything bad that has happened, happened for a reason.

because now i've dealt with losing a best friend,

i've overcome other things that make me stronger.

"a life without pain is a life without hope.."

resolutions.

so far my new years resolutions are taking up more then 3 pages in my notebook..

& i'm still adding to them ;)

+ buy a new guitar.

+ write songs.

+ treat my mother better....

+ exercise!

+ eat more fruit and drink more water.

+ become a full on vegetarian.

+ fix my printer or buy a new one.

+ buy an SLR camera.

+ enter some photos in magazines.

+ get more into photography.

+ spend less money on shit.

+ concentrate more at school.

+ get better grades.

+ spend less then 1hour each day on the computer...

+ get a job.

butterflies.

your stomach does cartwheels, and your heart pounds.

comparable to that of the sensation felt on a drop from a significant height (like on a rollercoaster).

the nervous, anxious knots you get in your stomach when you talk with, think about, or are in the presence of the person you love, or like very, very much.

"Its not fair that that stupid asshole gives me butterflies."

that girl.

beautiful in every way,

she'd smile over the tears and hide the fact that inside she was broken,

even if she had had the worst day, she'd do whatever it took to make me happy,

and everyone else around her.

at night, go outside and look up;

she's the brightest star in the sky.

she's making sure we're all carrying on.

losing a bestfriend is like nothing you could ever feel.

your bestfriend is someone you have so much in common with,

you do everything together,

you tell each other secrets,

you go to the movies, go shopping,

talk about cute boys.

everything.

when all that's gone, it's like an emptiness.

for months i felt the emptiness.

and i suppose i still do.

it's just this piece of your heart that has been taken away,

and you'll never get it back.

it'll make it hard to breathe sometimes,

and difficult to feel like you should be here.

the weeks went by and i felt done,

months passed and it was an emptiness,

a year passed and the memories were all there glued in my mind.

two years have gone and it still feels like yesterday.

"why is it that it seems the best, get taken from this dream i guess heaven couldn't wait a second more... so cherish every moment you spend with your loved ones, you never know when it's their time to go.."

catch up.

day 29.
- in this past month, what have you learned?

nothing is guaranteed and you can never be certain.
a promise may mean nothing or everything.

friends will come and go.
people will hurt you, walk all over you.

not everything is as it seems.
and not everyone are as they seem,

you may think some people are 'too high in the social ladder' to care about anyone else,

but things have happened to make me realize they actually do care.

day 30.

- who are you?

i'm a fifteen year old messed up teenager who has no idea what she's doing here,

i go to albury high school, soon it'll be year ten.

i don't trust people as easily as i used to because they all have seemed to either left or hurt me.

to escape from the drama of everything i write songs,

i play guitar and ukulele and sing.

i write. stories, notes, songs, poems, scribbles of words.

anything.

i'm one of those people who have been through alot of shit,

but still tries to keep a smile.

i'm not like you, and i probably don't like you at all.

you're all the same.

i don't like that.

i'm tori renee weilandt,

fuck the last name because it means shit all.

:)

Day 28.

a picture of you last year and this year. and how you have changed since then?

okay, so these photos will also show my best friend and how she's changed i suppose :)

+ new years, 2010.+

+ september, 2010. +

well, not exactly a year, but close enough :)

in appearance, i've changed my hair from that gross blonde looking piece of shit,

to dark hair.. plus i got a fringe.

& my nose pierced :)

my personality has changed a shitload too.

i've become happier with a lot of things, and i've changed in good ways,

i've learned to accept that no one is perfect and life goes on.

although thinking about that new years when the photo was taken,

i think i was alot happier then.

things have changed, people have changed.

in saying that; looking at both of these photos, i'm glad to say that i still have my bestfriend.

without her, god knows where i'd be.

love you tiggerbug, <3.

december holidays, (:

hello there holidays, (:

going to adelaide next week then on holidays, not long til christmas, better yet; new years.

i've made some new years resolutions.

& i'm going to make them happen.

i'm counting on 2011 to make up for 2010's complete fail.

I WANT RED HAIR.

Day 27.

why did you start this 30 day challenge?

it gives me something to do when i can't think of something to write about.

it's challenging and fun,

and makes me think..

now that it's almost over i think i'll have to find another similar challenge to do (:

peace out young readers.

xx.

falling, falling, fallen, fell.

rest in peace, lance.

i'm sorry i couldn't save you baby.

xo.

Day 26.

what you think about your friends.

the happiness and good times/ memories i have with them are never ending.

i can't imagine a life without friends.

scratch that.

i can; it'd be dark and disturbing.. lonely and worthless.

it'd be nothing.

true friends and acquaintances'

girl friends and guy friends'

without friends, who would you share your secrets with?

without friends, who would be there to make you smile when you're sad?

without friends, who would you tell about the cute boy in your english class?

"a circle is round and has no end,

that's how long i want to be your friend."

Day 25.

what i would find in your bag.

alrightys, this should be interesting.

i'm just going to empty it and list the contents.

school bag -

laptop.

glasses.

blue pen.

notebook.

a worksheet for volume formulae.

a list of what we need to take to adelaide.

a sheet for illustrator and portrait design (photography).

black pen.

usb.

wallet.

camera.

a red pencil and a blue pencil.

handbag -

sunnies.

$2.45.

a bangle.

a photo.

some bobby pins.

a black pen.

notebook.

camera.

a book, 'hourglass.'

pink nail polish.

tampons.

a pezz dispenser.

tissues.

a headband.

lance.

so my mother comes into my room to tell me my cat attacked a mouse.
she said it was on the door step dying slowly.


i went outside and realized it was actually a baby bird.
i got him and took him inside and made him a little bed.

for the past few hours i've been feeding him with an eye dropper every 15mins.

i had to crush some fruit and worms for him to eat.
it was disgusting, haha.

but at the moment he is sleeping, he's so gorgeous.

his neck is scratched and his left leg is broken, but i'm eager to save him :)
i'll keep you updated on how we go.

only girl in the world.

all we ever wanted was to have someone that makes us feel important,

makes us feel like we're worth something.

someone who gives us butterflies and uncontrollable smiles 24/7.

someone who just makes us feel loved.

Day 24.

a letter to your parents.

to my darling mother dearest;

thankyou for always being there..

for the past fifteen years, through all my temper tantrums,

through all the bitchiness,

all the tears and all the fights.

thankyou for picking my side even when i was wrong,

thankyou for helping me learn.

thankyou for being perfect,

thankyou for being my mum.

i love you so much, and although i may not show it at times,

you are the best mummy i could wish for.

<3.